A Bitchy Day in Every Way

Hello N3rd Friends. It's the first of the month and the G33k Goddess is having a bitchy day. The day is being a bitch to her, so she is being a bitch right back. Oh yes, and writing in the third person, so you know it's pretty awful.

One thing I cannot stand is when my already molasses-slow dial-up connection starts to give me lip. Today my shit is loading so slowly that I'm considering doing a time-lapse photography project about it. Forchristssake, I already have my Entertainment Weekly magazine at the ready so I'll have something to DO while I wait for pages to load - and that is on a NORMAL day. With THIS kind of connection, I could finish War & Peace before I'm able to read a single email. But that's not the only thing that has my panties in a bunch today.

I've got a mad case of hiccups. Ok, I know it's not as bad as having AIDS or something, but hiccups are annoying when you are TRYING TO BREATHE AND SHIT. I'm trying to munch on a breakfast/lunch of dry pumpernickel toast and every couple of seconds I nearly hoover it right into my fucking lungs. I don't need this shit.

Oh and hey... guess what! It's HOT again today! It's like being tucked snugly inside the folds of a demon's anus. And just as humid, too! So forget sitting outside with a cinnamon latte and catching up on my correspondence while pondering the natural beauty that surrounds me. Not unless I want to immediately catch on fire like an ant under a magnifying glass! Fuck you, climate change.

Speaking of which, due to global warming, my seldom awakened ragweed allergies are totally out of control. Itchy, watery eyes, sleeplessness, scratchy throat, sneezing, coughing, itching - the works. It's miserable, and distracting, and it makes me want to stab something. Here, kitty, kitty!!

But of course, underlying all of this annoyance and negativity is my utter frustration that I can't get any of the merchandise in my shop to MOVE. I was misled into believing that my shop was "finally taking off" by mega-sales in July. But August certainly humbled me, and my bank account. At this point I'm so far in the hole it takes 300,000 years for light to reach me from the surface. Doesn't anybody want some nice, handmade jewelry, or handmade business card cases? Come on! Made in the U.S.A.! Unique and affordable accessories that will make you the talk of the bloody town!! I'm thisclose to having to sell off some organs!!

So, this is my bitchy self on a bitchy day. Let's hope for my sake, and the sake of my cats, that things turn around soon!

NOTE: No kitties were harmed in the making of this blog post.